Welcome to the next level of name dropping.

As we approach the annual zenith of pigskin-related hysteria, the casual football fan will find it useful to lace their convos with a few references to gridiron greats.  But why bother with run of the mill givens like Lawrence Taylor and Terry Bradshaw when you could big-up someone like Marlin “The Magician” Briscoe or Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala?

Below, a brief rundown of some of the best names in pro football.  Word to Knute Rockne.

1. Ickey Woods

Elbert “Ickey” Woods was a star with the Bengals when he came up in 1988, but was gone from football a mere three seasons later.  But not before leaving us with his balletic signature piece, the Ickey Shuffle.

2. Earthwind Moreland

The lightly-used cornerback Earthwind Chatavian Moreland may not have garnered much playing time in his brief career but is a shining star in my book.

3. Fair Hooker

Please, no jokes.  The Browns wide receiver of the early ‘70s was an excellent Hooker.

4. Golden Richards

This flaxen-tressed Cowboys wide receiver had his moments with the Staubach/Dorsett squad of the ‘70s but ultimately fell prey to the lure of prescription painkillers.

5. Larry Izzo

L to the Izzo broke out with Marino and the Dolphins, a member of Football Digest’s 1999 All-Tough Guy Team, but proved himself a HAM with the Pats early ‘00s championship teams.

6. Ben Gay

Once hoped to be a balm that would sooth the pain of Browns fans, the Texas high school legend Ben Gay couldn’t escape his not-well-hidden history as a Kansas crack dealer and last played in 2002, let go for “inconsistencies off the field.”

7. Richie Incognito

Mr. Incognito is back again.  Named the dirtiest player in the NFL, the Dolphins beefy man of mystery has earned 11 personal foul penalites in his six pro years, and enjoys “pounding smaller opponents into the ground.”

8. Guy Whimper

At 6’5” and 300+ pounds, don’t even think of clowning on this Guy’s name.  Same goes for Dolphins rude bwoy running back Lousaka Polite.

9. Atari Bigby

Born in 1981 at the height of 2600 mania, this devout dread from Trelawny insists he wasn’t named after the famous tan-and-brown console.  A five-year vet with the Packers, a groin injury pitfall left him in game-over status.

10. Willie Colon

Mi gente.  You know Willie Colón? The famous guy from the Bronx? No, not him, him.

11. D’Brickashaw Ferguson

Not only does D’Brickashaw Montgomery Ferguson have a name that would suit a psychedelic aristocrat, but he’s also a blackbelt in karate.  Honorable mention goes to his nemesis, Bears defensive end Julius Peppers.

A tip of the Riddell to Ricky Powell, DCT and Emskee for their contributions.

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