Here's the original abandoned intro for How To Wreck A Nice Beach, written in 2005(6?) and posted by the Oxford American. It's based on the US Open epic from 1980, when Borg had a stomach bug and McEnroe cussed out a tulip bed.
It was inspired by a dream I had concerning a talking can of decompressed tennis balls which had stolen Fab Five Freddy's larynx.
Since that's what cans of tennis balls do, apparently.
Read it here.
Expanded Borgless paperback edition will be out this fall, accompanied by new mix and ltd edition 7-inch.