March is National Women’s History Month, so to end it off, we thought we’d sneak in a fresh new edition of The 10s , dedicated to the flyest females ever immortalized on wax. Proppers to our big homies at ego trip for their brolic list of “ 69 Songs Dedicated To That Special Lady ” (which you can find in their Book of Rap Lists ), but we thought we’d narrow it down and update their list a bit for UpNorthTrips purposes. We included a handful of our favorites from their list, mixed with some post-’98 joints, all named after the the honeys they pay tribute to. From the girl who claims she’s a virgin, to the chick with the “ass so fat you can see it from the front,” we celebrate the baddest of the bad in this episode of The 10s.
1. Slick Rick — “Mona Lisa”
Album: The Great Adventures of Slick Rick
Description: She tells Rick, “I got courage, and I don't like porridge/ I've never been to college, but I've got crazy knowledge/ over eighteen and my eyes are green/ I wear more gold than that man on A-Team/ trim, slim, and also light skinned/ best believe Mona's a virgin." A virgin??!?!
Breakdown: The Rulers sees Mona Lisa in the pizza shop, and decides to push up. But his friend cock-blocks him, shoving him in a cab abruptly to go see some more “mature women,” leaving Mona Lisa singing that familiar Dionne Warwick melody, “If you see me walkin’ down the street, and I start to cry, walk on by...”
2. A Tribe Called Quest — “Bonita Applebum”
Album: People’s Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm
Description: “Stunning newness” with “elaborate eyes” and the perfect figure, “38-24-37.”
Breakdown: Tip is glad to meet Bonita Applebum, who is certainly appealing to him on another level. He questions his feelings, saying, “Do I love you? Do I lust for you? Am I a sinner because I do the two?” Either or, or both, Tip wants to get put on. And he’s got “crazy prophylactics” if it comes to that. Let’s hope she likes rap songs, for his sake.
3. Eric B. and Rakim — “Mahogany”
Album: Let the Rhythm Hit ‘Em
Description: “Almost looked Korean, but European.”
Breakdown: Rakim is cooling before a performance with Eric B. at the Palladium, when he sees Mahogany, and tells her, “I wanna get to know you better.” They dip off to take a walk before the 1 a.m. show time, and it’s clear that his ability to get inside her head has her wide open. Then, seeing the God rap on stage only magnifies her desires, and quickly they murk off together after his set, back to his condo. Now tell us he ain’t finesse Mahogany.
4. EPMD — “Jane”
Album: Strictly Business
Description: “She’s fly, haircut like Anita Baker.”
Breakdown: During the first episode of the “Jane” series, Erick and Parrish introduce us to Jane. As fly as they think she is, this is actually a bit of a diss record towards her. Parrish even refers to her as a “skeezer” in the intro banter. But it seems that she’s the one doing the dissing, as she claims in her bedside note the morning after a night of gettin’ buckwild, “You have to be better, bigger, stronger, and much faster.” But this is just the beginning. The saga continues.
5. Ghostface Killah — “Beauty Jackson”
Album: Fish Scale
Description: “Her voice was a slow jam, full length white mink/ hella fine with a beauty mark on her right cheek.”
Breakdown: So, she’s standing at the bus stop, no lollipop. Ghostface introduces himself, “Sweetie call me Tony Starks, Ghost if ya like ta,” and he lights her bogie as he admires her attributes. It’s not long before the bus comes, and he has to rush to pass off his math to Ms. Jackson, and as he does he accidentally “dropped the chrome.” Not a good look, Starks. Then again, maybe she respects heat holders.
6. Mos Def — “Ms. Fat Booty”
Album: Black on Both Sides
Description: “The type of girl giving out fake cell phone and name” with her “neck and wrist laced up, very little makeup” and an “ass so fat that you could see it from the front.” Mos reveals, “She was like Jayne Kennedy, word bond, to my mother man, she was that ill.”
Breakdown: Mos meets Charise, but at first she plays him when he asks her to dance. Soon after, he sees her again, and is properly introduced to her by his boy. Turns out she was playing hard to get, but was actually feeling him, and ends up asking him to dance. Say word. After “weeks of dating and late night conversation,” he finally “smashed it like an Idaho potato.” But months into their love affair, she suddenly disappears. It isn’t long before Mos discovers Sharice is actually a bi-sexual stripper. What?!?!?
7. The Lost Boyz — “Renee”
Album: Legal Drug Money
Description: “Her gear was mad phat” and “she wants to be a lawyer, in other words shorty studies Law.”
Breakdown: Mr. Cheeks, intrigued by Renee’s dope wears, approaches her on the street as she’s heading towards the train. He cops them a couple hot dogs, and as she reaches into her bag for a subway token, she drops a pack of rolling papers. Wait, Renee smokes trees?!?! Keeper! They proceed to go back to her crib to twist up and get it in. Then tragically, weeks later, after Cheeks basically wifes her up, Renee is shot and killed. Damn, son. RIP.
8. Poor Righteous Teachers — “Shakiyla [JRH]”
Album: Pure Poverty
Description: Shakiyla is “no hooker, no slut, no bitch, and she listens.” She’s “civilized, and despises the drugs you sell.” Simply put, she’s a “wise, black queen.”
Breakdown: No need to flaunt your wealth around Shakiyla, and try to bag her by sending her gifts. She’s not into that type of shit. Wake up. The Earth don’t give a fuck about materialism. She respects wisdom.
9. O.C. — “Stronjay”
Description: “Five foot six, body thick, hair silky/ she could make the hardest man melt and turn milky.” Also, “bugged out shit, one eye was hazel, one was blue.” In other words, “The bizomb.”
Breakdown: O.C. sees Stronjay shopping in the city, and says to himself, “This sugar be a dime.” He invites her to have a drink, and they end up in a Sushi bar, politicking over Saki. His G must’ve been correct, because she invites him back to her penthouse suite on Park Avenue, and she’s whippin’ the 500 Benz and all that. She wastes no time, slipping off her draws in the elevator, assisting O.C. in taking off his clothes upon entering her crib, and eventually engaging in a full-on skinz session equipped with Moet, strawberries, and whip cream. Hey love.
10. Aceyalone — “Makeba”
Album: All Balls Don’t Bounce
Description: “Not a young girl anymore.”
Breakdown: Aceyalone runs into his old girl Makeba after a few years, and they catch up on what’s been going on in their time apart. It seems Makeba’s been traveling, and searching, and most likely leaving every man that she’s met along the way in a tizzy. And Aceyalone’s moved on to new women, and been doing his thing with the raps. They reminisce on their days of love making and smoking cheeba together, and recall how loyal they were to each other and how they wanted to get married and have mad kids. But it seems she’s all grown up now, and has changed quite a bit during their separation. Still, there seems to be a chance that the two will re-unite, and hopefully, if it happens, she won’t leave Acey lonely again.
words by @StanIpcus / mix by @UNITEDCRATES / graphics by @CNTRBND