1. 12 Commercials That Did Not Premiere During the Super Bowl.

    For quite some time now, multimillion dollar television spots have been a vital part of Super Bowl telecasts…

    These are not them.

    These “commercials” are better. They are funnier. Raunchier. And more worthy of water cooler conversation than rapping about pizza, poop-free babies, and 50-year-old Ferris Bueller (although admittedly, bambinos who never #2 all over themselves is an awesome concept even if it would put Huggies out of business). These outrageous adverts will help hungover armchair quarterbacks get through a shitty Monday at work. But be warned: most of these vids are certainly NSFW.

    Behold! Here are 12 commercials that didn’t air during the Super Bowl – nor will they ever appear on broadcast television at all, for that matter. (Thank you YouTube!)


    Big Bill Hell's "F*ck You, Baltimore."

    The story behind this fictional car dealership is as intriguing as this video is funny-as-hell. Correction: Funny as Big Bill Hell.

    (Props to bridgeportedrotary for the upload)

    Best of Romney: Bad Lip Reading.

    The best of the presidential hopeful’s online skewering via badlipreading.com

    (Props to kennypeebles for the upload)

    Skittles "Share The Rainbows."

    Is it real? Was it created specifically to generate the benefits of “controversy” without actually airing it on broadcast television? Are we being jaded and paranoid? The answers to all those questions is “No.” But dammit, had us fooled.

    (Props to sharetherainbows for the upload)

    The Shackle.

    One of several surreal commercials which appeared in the C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America mocumentary from 2004 which imagined an alternate reality of the USA if the North had lost the Civil War. Runaway slaves won’t get 100 miles and running thanks to his evil human LoJack.

    (Props to gonzojenny2 for the upload)

    Monsters vs. Illegal Aliens.

    With Arizona’s Minutemen spending all their time patrolling the border, someone has to raise their non-brown little ones. What better way for them to spend an afternoon after school home alone than watching this pro-military/anti-immigrant cartoon blockbuster?

    (Props to Adam Mutterperl for the upload)

    Nike Faux Freestyle.

    Squeaky kicks is about the only thing these players have in common with the real deal ballers in the Swoosh’s real spot .

    (Props to TommyJai for the upload)

    Jewish "Wazup?!" Budweiser Spoof.

    Shalom is not the word to play… or is it? The belly laughs are fatter than National Hebrew franks.

    (Props to azaroth for the upload)

    Continental Express.

    An ain’t-no-stoppin’-us-now moment from the 1990 Dudley Moore flick Crazy People makes us all wish Fed-Ex had the same attitude as this courier company.

    (Props to Kevin Beam for the upload)

    "Honest" Sony Corporation Slogan.

    Another one from Crazy People , this time a Japanese head honcho explains Asian “advantages” in the electronics game.

    (Props to amara for the upload)

    Ethereal Cereal.

    From the underground classic Putney Swope (1969), directed by Robert Downey’s dad. Ethereal Cereal is the Breakfast of Who Gives a Fuck.

    (Props to mperz for the upload)

    Brown 25.

    1974’s The Groove Tube proves polyester is fantasstic !

    (Props to edgedg for the upload)

    AFSCME Union Promo.

    What payin’ dues can do for youse.

    (Props to yaggy9 for the upload)

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