Embattled R&B thuggy Chris Brown is back in the news. Apparently, CB4 – in an attempt to make some noise for something other than bleaching his hair, buying a new outfit, or getting into a physical confrontation – recently rhymed over Kanye’s “Theraflu” beat . And while he was at it the temper tantrum-throwing crooner chose to throw some verbal jabs at his former girlfriend, Rihanna , whom he infamously bloodily assaulted when the two were dating back in 2009.
Of Rihanna, Brown raps: “Don’t fuck with my old bitch, it’s like a bad fur / Every industry nigga done had her /
Shook the tree Trick or treat her like a pumpkin just to smash her / Bitch is breaking codes, but I’m the password.” Rihanna responded by tweeting, “Aw, poor dat #neaux1currrrr” (translation: No one cares about this clown) and un-followed Brown on The Twitter with the quickness. Some on the Interwebz have reacted with understandable repulsion at this turn of events. However, we here at egotripland have great faith that a talented young man like Chris Brown has seen the error of his disturbing pattern of past behavior. In fact, we could probably think of at least 10 explanations that’d be perfectly acceptable and reasonable for Chris Brown to call Rihanna his “old b-word.” Check out our list (and hear the freestyle), after the jump…
1. “Old” actually spelled “olde.” Way more dignified.
2. In the midst of making tricky transition from physical to verbal abuser. Needs all the practice he can get.
3. Still mad at Rihanna for hiding all his clown make-up.
4. Hasn’t been the same since he stopped dying hair.
5. Bad bowtie day. (You ever have a wrinkled bowtie? AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!)
6. Didn’t mean to. It’s just that raising the bar on pumpkin references in rap went to his head a lil’ bit. It can happen.
7. He can do anything he wants. He got a Grammy now.
8. Would have never happened had he not cancelled that day’s anger management classes to go to the store to return that bad fur.
9. Didn’t think any “old bitches” would notice.
10. Was in an awful mood. Hadn’t been breastfed all day.