Most people will dismiss the 1986, independently-produced action flick Never Too Young To Die as just more B-movie schlock. And not to say the movie doesn’t suffer from a fair amount of cheesiness (it does), but for those who can relax their uppity standards and enjoy this type of lower-grade cinema, there are plenty of just rewards, starting with the chewing-up-the-scenery performance of Gene Simmons of KISS as an evil hermaphrodite hell bent on poisoning a fictitious city’s water supply. It’s up to college gymnast turnt secret agent John Stamos and the sexy spy Vanity to stop the madman woman. Simmons steals the show with an I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude playing the villain (and channeling Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show ) who’s main weapon is “The Finger,” while Stamos’ hair remains perfectly coiffed even after the most hair-raising moments (like most of these movies, the capable stunt work is almost always the real star of the show). To be fair, the direction and editing deserves some recognition as seen in the effort to incorporate some cross cutting to move the story along. Add to that henchmen who look like rejects from a Road Warrior (or Weird Science ) casting call, a cameo from Robert “Freddy Krueger” Englund , and Vanity lookin’ delectable in and out of a bikini and you got an enjoyable time waster if you’re up for it.
( NOTE: Rated R for standard violence and steamy “luh” making with mild nudity.)
Directed by Gil Bettman.
(Props to minkskisuit for the upload)