1. Kool Keith’s Definitive Guide to Keiths.

    The world is filled with Keiths. Everywhere you turn, here-a-Keith, there-a-Keith. But who possesses the qualifications to properly assess all of the Keiths one encounters? Why the chief Keith, of course – Kool Keith . Taking a few moments out of his busy schedule promoting his forthcoming album Love & Danger , the rap legend here presents as a public service a Definitive Guide to Keiths. Keith confusion be gone! Bear witness the wisdom, after the jump…


    (As told to David Ma .)

    Keith Carradine.

    “I think he’s a guy that likes ice cream.”

    Keith Sweat.

    “He likes ladies. Does a lot of shows. I see him in a nice suit with a hat with a feather in it. He probably likes older ladies.”

    Keith Murray.

    “Good guy with a good vocabulary.”

    Keith Hernandez.

    “All the girls who are into sports probably like him.”

    Keith Richards.

    “To me, this cat is plain. You know, normal, plain dude.”

    Keith Partridge.

    “Seems like he the type of guy who goes to laundrymats a lot to do his laundry.”

    Keith Shocklee.

    Public Enemy rules. I think of drums when I think of this Keith.

    Keith Haring.

    “He probably collects a lot of stuff we don’t know about.”

    Keith Olbermann.

    “He’s probably very diligent.”

    Keith Cowboy.

    “Great guy. We miss [him] a lot.”

    Toby Keith.

    “Country dude. To me he’s alternative.”

    Keith Elam.

    “He’s a cool brother, down to earth, listens to Jazz. Miss him too.”

    Kool Keith.

    “He’s just all around. He’s into women. He likes music. He’s a voyager. He walks a lot.”

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