Today is not Jay-Z's birthday. In commemoration, here are 10 things you didn't know about Jay-Z. Because we made them up. You think you know Jay-Z, but you have no idea...
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1. Jay-Z Is Jewish.
Hova is short for Hovawitz. Jason Hovawitz.
2. The J, A, Y and Z in Jay-Z's Name Are Actually Silent.
That's why people throw up that diamond sign language thingy when they see him.
3. Jay-Z Has 99 Problems - and a "Bitch" Is One.
An adorable but still not yet potty trained teacup toy poodle named "Pixie Carter."
4. Actually, Jay-Z Doesn't Have 99 Problems.
He lied. He's got 93.
5. There Is Yet Another Christopher Martin in Jay-Z's Future.
First, Jay made records with Christopher "DJ Premier" Martin. Then there was the Coldplay guy. And soon the trilogy will be finally be complete when Hov unveils his new super-group with Christopher "Play" Martin: Jay-N-Play.
6. Jay-Z's The Blueprint was Originally Going To Be Called The Pink Eye.
But it was nixed at the 11th hour to quell any gay Illuminati rumors.
7. Jay-Z Is a Huge Judd Apatow fan.
"Knocked Up Life (Suburban Anthem)", "The 40-Year-Old-Jigga", "This Is 40/40 Club" are just a few gems Hov has planned for a future tribute album, In Judd's Lifetime.
8. Jay and Kanye Slept On a Bed of Chinchillas Every Night on the WTT tour. Separately.
Not that unusual for celebrities to sleep on luxury. Only in this case, the chinchillas were alive.
9. Jay-Z Has the Highest Paid Nanny in the Industry.
Memph Bleek is... happy.
10. Jay-Z Is Not Overexposed.
Because he hires only the best photographers who know all about lighting.