The Twitter is too often at its most completely unnecessary during national viewing events like the Super Bowl. Why? Because we’re all watching the same shit. Thus, we don’t need you and several thousand other folks tweeting, “CRUUUUUZZZZZ!” when Victor Cruz scores a TD. We’ve got Al Michaels for that. No, the Twitter commentary that’s actually invaluable during mega events like this is from someone completely not invested in the teams. Or the game. Or the sport. Or sports at all. Someone like El-P – renowned rapper, producer, member of the great Company Flow, and New Yorker. If you missed @TheRealElP ‘s tweets from yesterday afternoon and evening about the “big game” (which he only sought to watch for Madonna’s half-time show) we’ve done you the service of compiling them here. Welcome to his free form jubilee!
PEEP EL-P’S TWEETS ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL AND MADONNA… AFTER EL JUMP…
1. in my opinion the only reason to watch the super bowl is to see how bad music can be when given the chance. give us your worst, madonna.
2. if madonna brings out slash im walking outside and shooting the first person i see.
3. when i was 10 i had a madonna poster on my wall. in hindsight what i interpreted as a “come hither” stare was likely a “fuck you” glare.
4. the lesson in all of this is, of course, dont masturbate to a pop stars poster. someday they will be horrible, old, fame craving assholes.
5. growing up i honestly assumed that by 2012 arena sports would involve explosions.
6. in-game explosions, that is. we cant even get dystopia right.
7. 2 men enter. one man leave. 2 men enter. one man leave.
8. i dont watch football but i always liked that movie “ruti” or whatever. that little hobbit guy had heart.
9. i also watched the first 2 seasons of friday night lights in 2 days a few years ago so i guess im kind of a sports fan? rudy wasnt in that.
10. RT @Analog_Burners: True story – Ruti got arrested this year as a stock scammer.
11. jesus even rudy turned out to be a scumbag. fuck sports.
12. i dont have a tv. is it over? did i win?
13. would be ill if the field was the rotating metal spike thing from flash gordon + ming was announcing. AND IF I HAD SEX WITH MINGS DAUGHTER.
14. ru-dy. ru-dy. ru-dy. RU-DY. RU-DY! RU-DY!
15. is the half time show coming up??? where can i stream it??? QUICKLY ANSWER ME~!
16. yo im streaming the halftime show now but all i see is a bunch of dudes on a field fuck is this shit?
17. oh fucking christ on a hovercraft this is boring me to tears where is the terrible music and old, deplorable lip-syncing vagina thrusters?
18. awwwwwwww shit its almost time! entrance me with your scantily clad, veiny flesh and dissonant moaning you glorious old whore!
19. what the fuck this shit is not on abc.com just some fucking guys talking?????|
20. oh fuck my fucking life i cant even see the halftime show?
21. i should clarify: i dont have cable or television. i do have a giant tv.
22. all i wanted was to see the clusterfuck that is the half time show. its the one time of year we all celebrate the worst music ever.
23. and here i am, last half hour wasted on a green field and some guys talking about whatever the hell.
24. IT IS TRULY KILLING ME TO NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE FUN OF THE HALF TIME SHOW IN REAL TIME.
25. fuck this im out. gonna go watch my vhs of the BEP halftime show and smoke some dust.
26. ok i know im late but is that richard simmons wire dancing with madonna?
27. this whole shit reminds me of that scene in gladiator when they call in the old gladiator our of retirement to fight maximus.
28. it was either richard simmons, paul garfunkel or roarshack from welcome back kotter dancing up there, im pretty sure.
29. CONGRATULATIONS, MADONNA! YOU’VE PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF BREAKDANCING!
30. etu, cee lo?
31. love the laser pyramid that just happens to form over her head as she sings like a prayer. combined with the roman/egypto bullshit? subtle.
32. well at least nikki and M.I.A. did their things sort of.
33. using my “brainpiece” (TM) i’ve deduced that NY won. nice. everyone will be cool as hell for like a week.
34. all bullshit aside i might have to go out tonight. its great when nyc teams win. i like seeing NYers happy. why is not important.