It's coming... that special time of the year when all the people Cupid has done shot in the ass profess their undying love for each other. Yup, it's almost Valentine's Day, that celebrated date on the calendar that makes some folks swoon with anticipation and others just wanna puke in the nearest bucket. For those in happy, healthy relationships (all five of you... just kidding), you and your Valentine will be encouraged to spend, spend, spend because, of course, in any capitalistic society, you can't really prove you really luh someone unless you reach deep in those pockets and splurge a little sumpin'.
But what do you get your boo for Hanky Panky Day is the million dollar question. Well, we're actually glad you asked, since we've been in the lab concocting a special VD guide for your shopping spree needs. So take a looksy below and show your Significant Other some love with these gift ideas...
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Valentine's Day Dinner at White Castle.
She's thinking lobster. You're thinking... White Castle! Forget that expensive, candle-lit dinner. All-you-can-eat sliders and a cash register surrounded by bullet-proof glass is a great way of telling your main squeeze that you're willing to risk your health for them. That's some chivalrous shit, homie. What can you expect spending a fine evening at WC? The advertisements say it all: "Make this Valentine's Day HOT & STEAMY... Get FREE DESSERT (and other heart-felt mementos) with Valentine's dinner when you make a reservation." Let's hope those "heart-felt mementos" ain't heartburn or gas. Oh, and don't forget, real players call it Le Chateau Blanc . For more info, go HERE .
Krispy Kreme Heart Shaped Donuts.
"Krispy Kreme has become a go-to Valentine's Day destination," explains Krispy Kreme Corporate Chef, Ron Rupocinski. "These fun-looking and great-tasting doughnuts are perfect for Valentine's gift giving and gatherings." Our special tip to you: If you're feelin' extra freaky, ask for glazed. To read more about these delicious, edible holes, peruse HERE .
Heart Emblazoned Flask.
Because nothing says, "I love you," like alcoholism. To order, go HERE .
Share Some Love Headphone Splitter.
To share the experience of listening to music you and your loved one both adore, you could opt for "sharebuds." But these heart-shaped splitters are more in line with the Valentine's Day thing. Bless your domes by clicking HERE .
Awesome In Outer Space - Bones For Girls
It's a thin line between love and obsession. Shit, we're starting to sound like old Calvin Klein commercials, sorry. But just in case you want something at once haunting, gentle, dissonant, beautiful, and rib-tickling to listen to while stalking that terrific object of desire from afar, this Quelle Chris project right here is your soundtrack. Buy it HERE .
Lady Gag Gag Love Doll.
For the lonely on VD Day: Why do "Poker Face" at karaoke when you can do it at home with this vinyl vixen? Hurry, before she's ga-gone. Get some HERE .
Scarface Mink Luxury Plush Throw Bedding Cover.
They'll call you the "Gangsta of Love" with this king-sized tropical Tony Montana blanket. You need bedding like this. Thread count that keeps it 100. That special way to let your loved one say hello to your little friend... in bed. Cop it HERE .
BOOK: What Real Niggaz Want from a Woman
Relationship advice from tha streetz. Reads the description: "Don't you want to know the tricks to pussy-whipping a real nigga? Don't you want to know how to deal with his baby-mama?" While we've never peeped this tome, we trust that author Ronnell "Chewy" Coombs will give it to ya raw. Purchase WRNWFAW HERE .