Fuck the holidays. That's right, we said it. Fuck 'em . If you are at all like us, every year around this time we get a massive headache, a sharp pain in our collective asses, and violent hemorrhaging in our wallets. Given a choice, we'd pretty much opt for "shootin' tha gif'" as opposed to giving gifts. But this year, oooohh child, things are gonna get a little easier.
Our crack team of (documented — as far as we can tell) Keebler elves worked day and night scouring the inna'net to bring you some actual affordable, entertaining, affordable, real-as-fuck, affordable last minute gift givin' ideas, for friends, loved ones, or better yet, your own damned self. And did we mention, affordable? You know we did, and you can thank us later. Just remember, "egotripland is your holiday headquarters™!" Happy Kwanzaa, ninjas!
CLICK THE THUMBNAILS ABOVE TO VIEW THE IMAGES
Police Brutality Coloring Book.
This holiday season, give the gift of a boot stomping on the face of civil disobedience for all eternity. Relive those exciting moments that brought pepper spray back into the national consciousness with this sly, "Occupy" movement inspired 'zine featuring 46 contemporary artists such as Maya Hayuk, Tim Biskup, and of course, Shepard Fairey.
You can cop it (get, it "cop" it?) over HERE
Cassette Design iPhone Cover Case.
Long for the analog innocence of the Walkman era, but lost all your tapes ages ago? Thanks to this nifty cassette design iPhone cover case now you may revisit the days of letting your tape rock till your tape pop. Finally, an opportunity to listen to "mix-tapes" while looking like you're actually listening to mix-tapes! Hiss not included. Get it, HERE .
Midnight Marauders Colored Socks.
Nothing says, "I couldn't think of anything interesting to get you," like a pair of socks. Until now - thanks to our pals at BBP, who've created some snazzy Tribe Called Quest artwork inspired sock-wear that will have that sophisticated rap fan in your life exclaiming, "Oh my god." Marauding after midnight has never felt so comfy. Get it, HERE .
Indiana Jones Fertility Idol Bank.
C'mon dog. Seriously, WHAT IS FUCKING WITH THIS???? It's a replica of the Chachapoyan fertility idol your boy Indian Jones pilfered from that Peruvian temple at the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark . This is so fucking legit. And its a bank, which makes it that much easier to save your scrill for that trip to Machu Picchu you've been dreaming about. This is realness in idol form. So essential, you should buy two. Get it HERE
Vintage Too $hort Poster.
Life is too short to let your loved ones waste wall space on here today gone tomorrow rappers. And this vintage concert poster commemorating the timeless Todd Shaw's top billin' on an all-star line-up from over 20 years ago will never go out of style. Much like screaming, "Beeeyotch!" Get it, HERE .
Wild Style Baby Onesie.
Let the parents of infants in your life know that it's time for their shorties to "stop f*ckin' around and be a man" (or woman) - at least when it comes to this hip-hop stuff. Spark "The Genesis" of their kids' love for the old school with this onesie sporting the logo of one of the greatest hip-hop films of all-time. It's easier than teaching them how to rack paint or spin on their heads. Get it, HERE .
Star Wars Death Star Tree Ornament.
Still seeking that badass Xmas tree ornament capable of destroying an entire planet (or at least one that looks like it can get the job done)? Look no further than artist/designer Chris McVeigh's Lego Star Wars Death Star (sometimes referred to as the "Death Star of Bethlehem"). You can't actually buy it, but McVeigh provides downloadable instructions on how to build it, detailing exactly which Lego parts you'll need. Get it, HERE .
R. Kelly Love Letter Cruise Tickets.
Okay, so this might be more of a St. Valentine's apropos gift than a St. Nick's thing. Plus, there's always the chance of it getting cancelled before October 2012 rolls around. But c'mon - it's Kells AT SEA . No mention of water sports in the recreational activities. Probably for the best. Get 'em, HERE .