Since nobody reads traditional style rap reviews anymore, we're cutting to the chase: What's the skinny on Gucci Mane & V-Nasty's co-ed trap party, the hotly anticipated collabo, BAYTL ? Is it as ignorant as we all hope it could be? Well, here's an A&B conversation that will let you C for yourself...
Track 1: "Whip Appeal."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457196" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81"]
B: Gucci Mane and V-Nasty are like the new Marvin and Tammi, son. Ike and Tina, Marie and Donny. Ashford and Simpson, Clyde and Bonnie.
A: Chlamydia and gonorrhea. And by that I mean, extra sick! Nah, but really, this might be the illest hook-up since the late, great Richard Pryor hit off Margot Kidder. Or at least I hope it is.
B: I'm bobbin' my head!! I'm bobbin' my head!!! Are you bobbin' your head???
A: My neck hurt.
B: Whip appeal, ninjahhhh!!! Naaasty!!! She said, "Got a porn star, a ho and a model." Which one is Kreayshawn?
A: You better not talk bad about my Lil' Debbie. Don't you dare.
B: Lil' Debbie is a sweetie.
A: Lil' Debbie sweeter than the ice cream cones on Gucci Mane face. Wait, did Gucci rhyme "Harry Potter" with "enchilada?" That's fantastico . Gucci the best.
Track 2: "Loaded" featuring Mr. Fab.
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457197" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: Ninja, he's loaded! A young ninja is loaded!
A: Well, how do you think he afford all that Gucci? Gucci don't grow on trees.
B: Wait, hit pause. He " gave the bitch" what for lunch? Oh, he " gave her dick for lunch." Dick. Is that the daily special? I'll pass.
A: Balls on the side.
B: "Gobble on balls like they Crunch 'n' Munch."
A: He rhymin' as good as Dipset in they prime.
B: V-Nasty! "A bitch cain't even count!" Dumb bitch. But, really, the song shines when she steps up. The mic loves her. Even when she's wack, she's fanterrible.
A: Mr. Fab said his girl loves the White Girl Mob, but "she can't join because she Mexican" . I hope this doesn't set off a protest. WGM ain't racist, i-ight. They just white girls who like to relax by sayin' the n-word, like most contemporary whites after a hard day at the office. Racism is so last century, anyways. What I really wanna know is why do they have features on this?
B: I'm sayin'. It's already Gucci 'n' Vanessa's party. Why you crashin', ninja? I'm not trying to hear these nobodies. Just the two of them and the deck is already stacked. Operation Stackola.
Track 3: "Let's Get Faded."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457198" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
A: I like this beat. It's low key.
B: Oh, this is the "get faded anthem." Time to get twisted.
A: This track… It's like playin' Dig Dug smokin' on some of that sherm.
B: You nailed it. Gucci just said he got "money flyin' out the anus." I'll be honest. Gucci, I can take him or leave him. Waiting for Vanessa to smoke the M-I-C. It ain't my baby, Vanessa! Do it girl! She "see a lot of bad bitches and they all her fans" … she talkin' bout Kreay and Debbie again?
A: Please, please, please , Too $hort rhyme next.
B: My little iPod speakers would melt if Todd Shaw brought the heat. He's not on this?!? That ain't right.
A: Best song so far?
B: Maybe... if $hort Dog was on it.
Track 4: "White Girl."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457199" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
A: Hmmm, wonder what this is about? (*Sniff, Sniff*)
B: He said, "At the end of the day I'm just a nigga with a sack." That makes two of us. Or is that four?
A: Wait, is this song actually about gettin' with a white girl? Are Gucci and 'Nessa exploring the interracial love taboo? Holy shit. Progress.
B: It's a metaphor for cocaine. Flippin' it.
A: There already was a song called "White Girl" that was about caine tho. OK, now I hear it. This is about yayo, not interracial sex. I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed.
B: She said, "In the club pullin' hoes off the ceiling." Is Lionel Richie in the house?
A: Lionel Bitchie.
B: They kinda missin a golden opportunity tho — "Gucci Gucci, hootchie mama, fuck me, fuck me, harder." Someone shoulda said that. And then "Basic bitches on my dick, so much they call me father..." Oh well. Beat is fonky tho.
Track 5: "Push Ups" featuring Slim Dunkin.
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457200" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: Slim Dunkin. Great name. Word to Sandy.
A: Uh oh. It's the quote unquote Down South flow everyone was doin' 15 years ago.
B: Not ready for it.
A: V-Nasty gonna do it, too?
B: This recording is tonally dissonant within the context of the greater composition. As accomplished artists, one would hope they'd express more restraint. Anyways... I wish these ninjas would trade off more. This is sort of not really a collabo. It's like, "You rhyme first, okay? I go next." That's not a collabo.
A: Call me crazy, but they made this album via email, I say. I bet they never even met.
B: Sounds like it actually. Oh wait, it's Vanessa. Wait, this is her other flow. I like this flow.
A: Is it a flow?
B: Yes. Yes it is.
A: She got three flows: this one, the other one, and the monthly one.
B: Oh dayum. Ha ha.
A: Did she just say Obama? I got to rewind that. "I'm hotter than Obama / Every time I hit the mic I eat it up, Osama." Is that what she said? Is she using the #hashtag flow? So much goin' on!
B: That don't make no kinda sense. Maybe Osama's is the name of a diner in Oakland or something.
A: She got mad political on this one. This song is about the Illuminati. Obviously.
B: Sorry, Vanessa. We gotta call you out on this one. Rap violation. You know what tho? It's entertainment. Let's go wit' the flow.
A: It's good to see the young people getting politically involved at least. #Osama
Track 6: "Food Plug" featuring Berner.
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457202" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: Scary. Some serial killer rap.
A: This some ol' riding in the Mystery Machine Van with the shotty out the window. Boo, ninjas!
B: "I got a butt plug, plug plug."
A: That's some shit that'll make you go, "BRRR!"
B: Vanessa! She cold.
A: How a white chick "more 'hood than David Banner" tho?
B: And she "got more bricks than houses in Atlanta" too. Damn, I'm pulling her card on this one. Her claims are just implausible. Oh wait, it's the Cookie Man!
A: This that fast food not French cuisine rap.
B: This song is not good. Granted, I have no idea what they are talking about.
Track 7: "Out My Circle."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457205" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: Whoooo! THIS THE SONG! "GET THE FUCK UP OUT MY CIRCLE!!!" I AM NOT FEELING YOU!!! BACK OFF BITCHES!!! She straight evictin' fools. She's quick to foreclose on a ninja.
A: They gettin' hyphy? Whyphy?
B: Purple! Purple! Purple! They're a finger lickin' winner! Holy shit. This is the best song.
A: Aren't they scared of earthquakes in Frisco? 'Cause this gonna cause one. It bangs so hard.
B: This is a 7.0! And it's already over. So short! So punk rock! Can we hear it again?
Track 8: "Hate Me Some More."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457208" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: Gonna say it before you — LOVE the title.
A: This is a more contemplative beat.
B : I'm sorry. Did you say something? I was meditating.
A: This is the 2011 "Mind Playin' Tricks." Why oh why must I slang? Poor Gucci. I hope he's alright. He sound anguished.
B: V-Nasty talking about pimpin' again. I wonder what her hoes look like? I mean REALLY look like.
A: One thing I can't figure out is if V-Nasty is the new Tairrie B or the female Eazy?
B: Eazy. Eazily.
A: V-Nasty pimpin' them hoes. That's who she really is. She just raps for fun. To take the edge off.
B: It's like jogging. It's therapy. Apparently, they love the hate.
Track 9: "Millions Every Month."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457210" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
A: Millions every month, huh? Pretty impressive in this economy. That's hella good.
B: Swag. Gucci needs to be a gentleman and let Vanessa go first sometimes. STOP! He rhymed "Fruitopia" with Ethiopia . Remember Fruitopia? Ha ha. FAIL!
A: "...froze like Fruitopia / Niggaz ain't eatin' like the kids in Ethiopia."
B: A lyrical god walks among us. Genius, thy name is spelled G-U-C-C-I.
A: I didn't think he could out do the Harry Potter / enchilada rhyme scheme. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Gucci is like the Bionic Man version of Master P.
B: This bumps. Oh, Gucci just rhymed vegetables with testicles . Now THIS is rhyme of the year.
A: You mean the greatest display of lyrical dexterity since the 4 score and 7 years ago speech?
B: No question. This ninja like William Shakespeare with a sno-cone tat on his face.
A: The coldest with the pen AND the epidermis.
B: Except in Shakespeare's day they woulda called it a "frozen custard."
A: Or maybe just "winterized custard." Don't think them fools had refrigeration yet.
B: "Seasonal custard."
A: V-Nasty would have surely been frowned upon for her unbecoming, uncouth and un-ladylike behavior. Thank God for Women's Lib tho.
B: That was a great song.
Track 10: "Fill My Shoes."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457213" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
A: Feels like we heard this one already.
B: Sounds like it. "Shaquille O'Neal couldn't fill my shoes."
A: "Mutombo couldn't fill my shoes." The big feets anthem.
B : More Down South flow.
A: Now Gucci showin' off.
B: Rappin' his ass off.
A: Evidently, he not just a lyrical genius he can flow like agua , too. And just so you know, V-Nasty ain't racist, i-ight?
B: Get that through your skull, beeyotch.
A: This is album filler right here.
Track 11: "Fuck You" featuring Slim Dunkin.
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457215" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: She gets to set it off finally.
A: Set it off like the movie.
B: Word to Latifah. Ladies first!
A: Word to Da Brat.
B: Her "outfit cost more than your necklace, ho!" Ouch. That gotta hurt. This "Fuck you" hook is so classy tho.
A: V-Nasty is not impressed with the criticisms aimed at her. That's what I believe motivated her for this one.
B: Slim Dunkin heard this beat and HAD to be on it. Wasn't necessary.
Track 12: "Sick Swag."
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/30457219" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=da0045" width="100%" height="81" ]
B: With a title like this it better be HOT. Oh wait. Just realized the album title. BAYTL .
A: Bay Area + Atlanta. That's some sick swag already.
B: Between the two of them they got the swobbin' game on lock. This song fire.
A: How they only gonna make this 2 minutes tho?
B: This be swobbin'. Why V-Nasty so skimpy on saying' "Swobbin'"' tho? Fuck. Her best catchphrase and she's holding back. WTF? Tsk, tsk, SMH. V-Nasty not saying "Swobbin'" is like Too $hort not saying "Beeyotch." It just ain't right. She's also holding back on the dreaded "n-word."
A: Poor white girl. At first everybody shits on her for using the n-bomb now we mad she ain't use it. "Sick Swag" might still be the best song tho.
B: Hells no. "Out My Circle," ninja.
A: Oh you like that Barnum & Bailey. That's what that "Out My Circle" sound like. A Black circus. I ain't mad at it. It's a banger. But this one I like the most.
B: Nah. It's sickwidit, but not ILL.