Ya heard? Word on the street is the world is ending on Saturday. Crap. Like we already ain’t got so much trouble on our minds. Now the last thing we need is to worry about a bunch of shit we never got around to doing before the world flames on like a BK Broiler. A veritable bucket list , as it were, of dreams deferred.
A whole gang of shit like…
1. Skydive off Kanye West’s ego.
2. Score goal in World Cup. Since there’s no World Cup move on to second option: kick somebody we don’t like in the balls.
3. Learn how to swim… in women like a lifeguard.
4. Make love like we’ve never made love before. (In a shark tank.)
5. Eat at Red Lobster twice in the same week.
6. Crank call Bill O’Reilly. Introduce self as, “Deeez Nuuutzzzz.”
7. Make sure “Happy Apocalypse!” holiday cards are postmarked by Friday.
8. Open every cell in Attica, send ’em to Africa. Business class!
9) Order “Tha Big Dog” package from Time Warner Cable.
10. Take talents to South Beach, taunt LeBron for failing to win ring as Chris Bosh weeps like beeyosh.
11. Rent banquet hall and sound system at whatever cost – just to yell at batty bwoy soundman, “Yo, soundman, turn our mic up!”
12. Release long awaited debut album: Hip-Hop Is Alive, Vol. 1 .
13. Respond to every twitter joke with: #dead.
14. Reveal secret lovechild with Maria Shriver. (No repercussions!)
15. You know that R.E.M. song “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”? Don’t fuckin’ play that.