#swag rules everything around us. #swag is us all day everyday. If it ain’t #swag it ain’t right. Oscars ceremony every year initially appears #swag, but ultimately = #notswag. Why? Show going on for too long = #notswag. Boring musical numbers = #notswag. Motherfuckers chit-chatting about who wore what dress = #notswag. Oscar trophy looking like Canibus = #NOTSWAG. 83rd Annual Academy Awards, a/k/a Oscars 2011, though, possibly = #swag. Why? Natalie Portman + weirded-out lesbionic crisis = #SWAG. Christian Bale + smoking crack = #SWAG.
Plus, our best picture Oscar pick after the jump = #SWAG.
Plot Synopsis: Young ballerina gets lead in Swan Lake, but slowly loses her mind under the pressure from her demanding instructor, maniac mom, rival dancers, and her own hang-ups.
Verdict: Any hot crazy chick who doesn’t give a flying split about fucked-up toenails = #arthouseshowgirlsswag.
Plot Synopsis: Drama about real-life boxer “Irish” Micky Ward and his family, including his ex-pugilist brother turned basehead.
Verdict: Getting punched in the face just to make a living = #antoniomargaritoswag.
Plot Synopsis: Crafty con man figures out a way to steal valuable secrets buried in the subconscious of his sleeping victims.
Verdict: Illuminati want our mind, soul and body. Now they want our dreams, too? = #illuminaticaneatabigfatdickswag.
The Kids Are All Right
Plot Synopsis: Two teenaged half-siblings conceived by artificial insemination and raised by lesbian parents bring their biological dad into their family life.
Verdict: Sperm Donation = #nadyasulemanswag. Artificial Insemination = #soundofonehandclappingswag.
The King’s Speech
Plot Synopsis: Speech therapist with unorthodox methods helps stammering King be all he can be.
Verdict: No Autotune = #itsmostlythavoiceswag.
Plot Synopsis: True story about a dolo mountain climber in the canyons of Utah who gets his arm trapped under a boulder.
Verdict: Five days of #byyourselfmeetingscappadonnaswag.
The Social Network
Plot Synopsis: Harvard undergrad inventor of Facebook attempts to overcome lawsuits and broken friendships as he becomes a billionaire.
Verdict: Makin’ loot “social networking” = #berniemadoffpyramidschemeswag. Making money the old fashioned way (by killing people) = #americandreamswag.
Toy Story 3
Plot Synopsis: Talking toys end up in a daycare with unruly rug-rats.
Verdict: Woody = #extenzeswag. Buzz = #fourlokoswag. Barbie = #notonlylookslikebarbieisbarbiesmokeslikemarleyswag. Ken = #dontaskdonttellswag. Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear = #needsmocarebearswag. Mr. Pricklepants = #moswagthanyouandyomamaswag.
Plot Synopsis: A stubborn 14-year-old farm girl hunts down her father’s killer with the help of a crotchety, hard-drinking U.S. Marshal and a Texas Ranger.
Verdict: #swag > revenge.
Plot Synopsis: A brave Ozark Mountain girl puts her life on the line searching for her drug-dealer father in order to keep her poor, depressed family from being tossed into the street.
Verdict: Surviving on saltines and Cheese Whiz = #neweconomyswag.
True, taking punches in the face like it’s nothing while dealing with your crackhead brother and crazy mom = #SWAG. However, ego trip believes 2011′s Best Picture = Black Swag, we mean, Black Swan. (#swag.)