1. And the 2011 Oscar For Best Picture Goes To… #swag

    #swag rules everything around us. #swag is us all day everyday. If it ain’t #swag it ain’t right. Oscars ceremony every year initially appears #swag, but ultimately = #notswag. Why? Show going on for too long = #notswag. Boring musical numbers = #notswag. Motherfuckers chit-chatting about who wore what dress = #notswag. Oscar trophy looking like Canibus = #NOTSWAG. 83rd Annual Academy Awards, a/k/a Oscars 2011, though, possibly = #swag. Why? Natalie Portman + weirded-out lesbionic crisis = #SWAG. Christian Bale + smoking crack = #SWAG.

    Plus, our best picture Oscar pick after the jump = #SWAG.

    Black Swan

    Plot Synopsis: Young ballerina gets lead in Swan Lake, but slowly loses her mind under the pressure from her demanding instructor, maniac mom, rival dancers, and her own hang-ups.

    Verdict: Any hot crazy chick who doesn’t give a flying split about fucked-up toenails = #arthouseshowgirlsswag.


     

    The Fighter

    Plot Synopsis: Drama about real-life boxer “Irish” Micky Ward and his family, including his ex-pugilist brother turned basehead.

    Verdict: Getting punched in the face just to make a living = #antoniomargaritoswag.


     

    Inception

    Plot Synopsis: Crafty con man figures out a way to steal valuable secrets buried in the subconscious of his sleeping victims.

    Verdict: Illuminati want our mind, soul and body. Now they want our dreams, too? = #illuminaticaneatabigfatdickswag.


     

    The Kids Are All Right

    Plot Synopsis: Two teenaged half-siblings conceived by artificial insemination and raised by lesbian parents bring their biological dad into their family life.

    Verdict: Sperm Donation = #nadyasulemanswag. Artificial Insemination = #soundofonehandclappingswag.


     

    The King’s Speech

    Plot Synopsis: Speech therapist with unorthodox methods helps stammering King be all he can be.

    Verdict: No Autotune = #itsmostlythavoiceswag.


     

    127 Hours

    Plot Synopsis: True story about a dolo mountain climber in the canyons of Utah who gets his arm trapped under a boulder.

    Verdict: Five days of #byyourselfmeetingscappadonnaswag.


     

    The Social Network

    Plot Synopsis: Harvard undergrad inventor of Facebook attempts to overcome lawsuits and broken friendships as he becomes a billionaire.

    Verdict: Makin’ loot “social networking” = #berniemadoffpyramidschemeswag. Making money the old fashioned way (by killing people) = #americandreamswag.


     

    Toy Story 3

    Plot Synopsis: Talking toys end up in a daycare with unruly rug-rats.

    Verdict: Woody = #extenzeswag. Buzz = #fourlokoswag. Barbie = #notonlylookslikebarbieisbarbiesmokeslikemarleyswag. Ken = #dontaskdonttellswag. Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear = #needsmocarebearswag. Mr. Pricklepants = #moswagthanyouandyomamaswag.


     

    True Grit

    Plot Synopsis: A stubborn 14-year-old farm girl hunts down her father’s killer with the help of a crotchety, hard-drinking U.S. Marshal and a Texas Ranger.

    Verdict: #swag > revenge.


     

    Winter’s Bone

    Plot Synopsis: A brave Ozark Mountain girl puts her life on the line searching for her drug-dealer father in order to keep her poor, depressed family from being tossed into the street.

    Verdict: Surviving on saltines and Cheese Whiz = #neweconomyswag.


    FINAL VERDICT:

    True, taking punches in the face like it’s nothing while dealing with your crackhead brother and crazy mom = #SWAG. However, ego trip believes 2011′s Best Picture = Black Swag, we mean, Black Swan. (#swag.)



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