Remember how awesome Netflix used to be? How it revolutionized the home film rental game by literally delivering shit to your doorstep? How it introduced the term “queue” to American meatheads who’d rather be bangers-n-mash-ed upside the head than sound like some pansy-ass Brit?
All of that seems so distant as Netflix continues to flush its once mighty brand down the toilet. After recently raising its rates by a whopping 60% with no additional amenities, yesterday the company announced – to widespread negative response – that it was splitting up its streaming and DVD services, the former retaining the name Netflix, the latter being dubbed, uh, Qwikster. Hey, you know what – it could be worse. Netflix could have done any of the following instead…
READ 10 THINGS NETFLIX COULD HAVE DONE THAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORSE THAN RENAMING ITS DVD SERVICE “QWIKSTER”… AFTER THE JUMP…
1. Proceeded with scrapped slogan: “We Still Go Postal.”
2. Re-vamped iconic red envelopes to a twee periwinkle.
3. Changed name to “Grossflix” to reflect new-found financial focus.
4. Offered “Best of C-Span” box set with each new subscription.
5. Raised rates by 666% as recommended by new CEO, Mr. Louis Cipher.
6. In celebration of 2012, hire Mayans to deliver DVDs to your doorstep. Overnight.
7. “Date-Rape Fridays” promotion.
8. “All-You-Can-Eat” Tyler Perry bundle.
9. Throw hands up, roll back prices, and reinstate its streaming service paired with videos by mail… on laserdisc.
10. Renamed new service “Queefster.”