1. 10 R. Kelly Lyrics That Prove He Can Get Away With Singing Absolutely Anything.

    R-Kelly-10-absurd-lyrics

    Fake Oakley Sunglasses By Frankie Decaiza Hutchinson | Discount Oakley Sunglasses R. Kelly has sung the same song over 100 times. The simplicity of his reality is what’s so appealing. Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Fake Oakleys He wants to have sex and spend a lot of money. He pretends to sing about other things...but he’s not. He’s singing about sex and money. And only money in the context of getting sex. He tries to pretend he’s interested in other things like having children or love or empowerment, but it’s not that convincing when these messages are drowning in a sea of, well, manly sauce . Let's take a closer look at some of Kells' ridiculous lyrics and the masterfulness of his ability to get away with them.


    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    Replica Oakley Sunglasses CLICK THE THUMBNAILS ABOVE Knockoff Oakleys

    Cheap Oakleys Replica Oakleys

    Cheap Ray Bans ( Ed note: Cheap Oakley Sunglasses We should probably point out that Frankie is a female writer in case any of you are wondering.)

    Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses

    1. “I like the crotch on you.”

    SONG/ALBUM: “I Like the Crotch on You” – 12 Play Fake Oakleys Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakleys

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version Discount Oakley Sunglasses here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses Replica Oakleys

    Replica Oakley Sunglasses

    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Cheap Ray Bans

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Robert Sylvester Kelly is not one to mince words. The man speaks his mind. And when the man speaks his mind, he speaks it clearly. And clearly, in this case, he "likes the crotch on you." We know this because it is the title of the song. He feels compelled to speak upon it, which compels me to listen to it and to write about it. And any opportunity to bring it up thus should be taken advantage of. Robert Sylvester Kelly. You got me. I like how you think.

    2. “Put on some clothes and lets go to the IHOP, baby/ No matter how good the food may taste/ I'm still thinking about your body baby, yes I am.”

    Replica Oakleys SONG/ALBUM: Cheap Ray Bans “Etcetera” — R

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Knockoff Oakleys Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version Fake Oakley Sunglasses here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    Replica Oakley Sunglasses

    Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakleys Clearly, this is absurd, I've been to IHOP at least a few times. OK, I've been there a lot. And if anything, or in this case, anyone, can actually distract a restaurant patron — even one as intensely invested in their reasonably priced 24-hour breakfast specials (such as the "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity") as Kells clearly implies — then that pussy must be made of applewood-smoked bacon. As such, I find the claim impossible and stands here as Exhibit B as to why his R. Kelly's voice can get away with anything. Discount Oakley Sunglasses

    Fake Oakleys

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses (On a completely unrelated yet no less similar feat of musical accomplishment, may I also point out the jubilation that is the song title. The song is called "Etcetera," which gives us a rare experience of seeing that word spelled out completely, as opposed to the more pedestrian - and therefor lackluster - abbreviated "etc." Bravo, Kells. Bravo.)

    3. “Then she cries out/'Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax'/And I said, 'Cool climax/Just let go of my leg.'”

    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Knockoff Oakleys Fake Oakleys SONG: Cheap Oakleys “Trapped in the Closet (Chapter Four)” Cheap Ray Bans

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses

    Replica Oakleys Hemingway who? As a man of narrative, the epic "Trapped in the Closet" series is the finest gift that R. Relly may have bestowed upon this world. Like Moses when he came down from that mountain with the 10 Commandments, Kells has 22 chapters (plus 11 more dropping tonight) that are all worthy of centering your life around. But it is in this lyric on which his operatic monologue is particularly gripping. Reason #1 being of course that he sings each role in the hood-novela himself. The other reason why it's gripping is because his soon-to-orgasm lover is literally squeezing the fuck out of his leg. This is so awkward and awesome in its realistic depiction of sex, versus your average radio song that chooses to highlight only the romantic side of lovemaking. Or the crude side. But never the painful side. Again, R. Kelly sings what most of us struggle in our daily lives to articulate. We thank you Robert for shining a light on the voice that we (humanity) did not know we possessed. Fake Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Replica Oakley Sunglasses Discount Oakley Sunglasses

    4. "It's like a jungle atmosphere/ And we're two monkeys, baby."

    Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses Replica Oakleys Replica Oakley Sunglasses SONG/ALBUM: Cheap Ray Bans “The Zoo” — Discount Oakley Sunglasses Double Up Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakleys

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version Fake Oakley Sunglasses here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

    Fake Oakleys Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Chimpin' ain't easy. But from the mouth of R. Kelly it bears the circus ring of truth. It is specifically his dulcet, breathy, monkey-cooing later in the song that justifies this ridiculous verse opener — a line that would make monkeys of any other (lesser) R&B superstar. As such, Kells displays no shame. No embarrassment. I am awaiting in your Garden of Eden, Roberto. Take me to your leader. And let's fling some shit. Knockoff Oakleys

    5. "Girl you’re so fine/ Be my #2/ But you will never be my #1.”

    SONG/ALBUM: Oakley Sunglasses Cheap "Be My #2” — Untitled Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakleys Cheap Ray Bans

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here Replica Oakley Sunglasses . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Fake Oakley Sunglasses

    Knockoff Oakleys

    Fake Oakleys Discount Oakley Sunglasses

    Replica Oakleys

    R. Kelly’s ego is very big. But to be honest, Kells lays it out that being the chick on the side is actually a better deal than being John, Dave, or Paul’s #1. The #2 girl actually knows a lot more truth about the situation and what's really going on than the #1 girl, who is usually kept in the dark. Translation: Kells trusts you to do some dirt… together. The reward? Pancakes after sex (see "Etcetera").

    6. “'Cause, hey I'm black, handsome, I sing/ Plus, I'm rich and I'm a flirt.”

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Fake Oakleys SONG/ALBUM: “I’m a Flirt” — Discount Oakley Sunglasses Double Up Replica Oakley Sunglasses

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

    Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Ray Bans Replica Oakleys Fake Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Someone, anyone, please tell me that Kells is a member of OkCupid.com. 'Cause this is the profile bio I've been waiting for. What more can you ask for? There really is nothing else. I know that this is precisely what I'm looking for. This is the most truthful thing I've heard come out of the man's mouth. And thus, paradoxically, the most unbelievable. Further proof that he can get away with singing anything.

    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Knockoff Oakleys

    7. “Girl, push menu and check out the features/ Just let me put this adaptor in you/ It will keep you charged up.”

    SONG/ALBUM: “Remote Control” — Cheap Oakleys TP. 3 Reloaded Replica Oakleys

    Fake Oakleys

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here Cheap Oakley Sunglasses . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Replica Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Ray Bans

    Fake Oakley Sunglasses

    Any lyric where a man surrenders himself to female control works for me. I wish we could control men with a remote, that would be so awesome. So thank you Kells for creating this fantasy. I’m not quite sure how I feel about being charged by an adaptor, I don’t think that’s what adaptors do. But you’re given the freedom to pick and chose which fantasy works for you, and fortunately, the entire Cheap Oakley Sunglasses TP.3 Reloaded Discount Oakley Sunglasses album offers many other fantasy options you might be more interested in. (No mention, however, of urination. Which is curious.) Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    Knockoff Oakleys

    8. “Tonight you are my master/And I will be your slave/Bury myself all in you/As if you were my grave.”

    Knockoff Oakleys Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses SONG/ALBUM: “Whole Lotta Kisses” — Unititled Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version Replica Oakleys here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Oakleys

    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    Discount Oakley Sunglasses Fake Oakleys Cheap Ray Bans

    Ladies & gentlemen, let me introduce you to R. Kelly the morbid/goth/emo historian. Necrophilia hasn't been so sexy since Fake Oakley Sunglasses Thriller .

    Replica Oakley Sunglasses

    9. “Sex in the kitchen over by the stove/ Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls.”

    Fake Oakleys SONG/ALBUM: Fake Oakley Sunglasses “Sex in the Kitchen” — TP. 3 Reloaded Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses

    Discount Oakley Sunglasses Replica Oakley Sunglasses

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version Cheap Oakley Sunglasses here Replica Oakleys . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

    Cheap Oakleys

    Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    True, he missed a perfect opportunity to sing something along the lines of "I knead you" or something like that. But predictable double-entendres are not R. Kelly's oeuvre. That would make him a mere mortal like us instead of the Master Pastry Chef of Love that he is ("Is that a rolling pin under your apron or are you happy to see me?"). Still, the imagery he creates is not one I can imagine as being very comfortable when engaging in some hot buttered love: sex on a stove? No thank you, the counter will suffice. I don't prefer grill marks on my ass. But this is exactly what his music is about — he has cooked up a world for himself, his own world of literacy which you either embrace or you miss out on. And if you can't stand the heat, guess what? Yes. Stay out of the kitchen.

    Knockoff Oakleys Cheap Ray Bans

    10. “Let me stick my key in your ignition.”

    SONG/ALBUM: “Ignition” — Chocolate Factory

    Knockoff Oakley Sunglasses Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here Discount Oakley Sunglasses . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Replica Oakley Sunglasses Replica Oakleys

    Knockoff Oakleys Cheap Oakleys Oakley Sunglasses Cheap

    This lyric is the — pardon the pun — "auto-erotic" follow up to 1995's R&B hook of the year, "You Remind Me of my Jeep" and perhaps a sweeter(?) metaphor. Ignition = vagina. Key = penis. Yes I get it. But regardless of there being precedent for this song's girl-as-vehicle comparison, it still has flaws: What about the transmission? Any preference for automatic or manual? How about power steering? Cruise-control? Sunroof? What about the Drivetrain? Is it all-wheel drive? Open differential or limited slip differential? Front-wheel drive versus rear-wheel drive? This all needs to be explained dammit! But something tells me we’ll get our answers. Like I said his/this car/sex thing is a common theme so I predict him to elaborate on this in the coming year. Cheap Ray Bans

    Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    Ok, you win Roberto. I love you. Cheap Oakley Sunglasses

    ← Previous Slide Next Slide → Click To Start



  2. You might wanna peep...

    • http://twitter.com/sweeneykovar s w é é n e y k ø v

      what about "girl I promise this will be painless (painless), lets take a trip to planet Uranus (anus)" from Sex Planet?

    • http://www.facebook.com/laura.barker.545 Laura Barker

      Best article I've ever read. I love you R

    • http://www.facebook.com/ObiWanFashobee Cory King Jr.

      What about "Girl im ready to toss yo salad"?

    • Cuban Linx

      This is such a brillianty written article. Props.

    • http://twitter.com/mattconvente Matt Convente

      What about his lines from "Wonderful" by Ja Rule?

      "I came from the dirt, what you want me to say? I'm at the top of the world, and life's a pussy buffet."